


la douleur exquise

by somepeachythings (Patsch)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Jealousy, M/M, Minor Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Minor Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Minor Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27740815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patsch/pseuds/somepeachythings
Summary: If anyone asked, Jaemin hated the concept of soulmates.-(n.) the heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Na Jaemin/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Kudos: 31
Collections: Challenge #3 — soulmates





	la douleur exquise

**Author's Note:**

> the soulmates system is flawed. humans are flawed. sometimes knowing who you're soulmate is - isn't enough. 
> 
> in a world where colors erupt when you first lay eyes on your soulmate, jaemin immediately knew who his soulmate was, his soulmate didn't.

### ♡

Jaemin scoffed at the gross display between his brother and his boyfriend, _Johnny_. Of course they decided to crash his movie night with Jeno.

To make matters worse Renjun wasn't feeling well, so Jeno disappeared the second he got the message. So now he was third wheeling in his own home.

Fucking fantastic.

“How are you doing, Jaemin?” Johnny asked, genuinely interested and smiling. Jaemin scowled.

Johnny never knew exactly why Jaemin disliked him or their relationship.

“Peachy,” Jaemin answered through gritted teeth. “You look ugly in yellow,” he added as an afterthought to Jaehyun, who rolled his eyes.

“Good riddance,” Jaehyun groaned, seeing his brother leave.

Johnny shook his head, used to their behavior but knowing how fond they were for each other.

Sometimes.

Maybe he felt more hurt about Jaemin's behavior than he should.

Before he could continue that thought Jaehyun cuddled closer to him sighing and drowned out the emptiness Johnny sometimes felt.

It was also the reason he didn't realize Jaemin saw colors, which meant he met his soulmate.

### ♡

Opening the door to a drunk Jaemin, was a more normal occurrence than Mark would like to admit.

“Shit,” he cursed and helped Jaemin inside. Mark was actually on his way out. “ _Why am I not enough, hyung. Is there something wrong with me_ ,” Jaemin sobbed and tugged at Marks heartstrings without trying.

Mark gulped and started his Jaemin program: Putting on a series for background noise, making some tea and force him to drink some water for hydration. Mark's favorite sweater wasn't comfort enough, so he rolled him in a fluffy blanket.

His phone started to ring as he was deciding between ice cream or cookies. _Baby_ the display read and he groaned, running his hand through his hair. When Mark took care of others (Jaemin), he forgot everything else.

Like their date night for example.

“I'm sorry, baby.”

“...”

“Jaemin is here.” Donghyuck stayed quiet for a bit, while Mark internally sighed.

“ _Is he_ ,” Donghyuck said finally, clearly frustrated. Mark heard an door open and the sound of raindrops.

“ _How's he_ ,” Donghyuck murmured, voice low and concerned. Mark softly ran his fingers through Jaemin's hair, face scrunched up even in sleep.

Thank god he was finally sleeping.

“Bad,” he decided finally, taking a long, shaking breath. “Usual things, just more depressing . . . Saying he probably deserved it, getting rejected before trying, what a loser.” Mark's voice got quieter in the end, not actually wanting to repeat the things Jaemin said.

Not only breaking his heart but his friends as well.

Donghyuck scoffed. “ _Idiot._ ” He gave someone their address and Mark understood what his boyfriend was doing.

“Don't come back, Hyuck,” Mark said in a rush, a bit overwhelmed. “Enjoy the play, I know you really anticipated.”

“ _Idiots_ ,” Donghyuck corrected, giggling a bit which made Mark smile fondly. “ _We can go together another time. Is not the same without you anyway_ ,” he added as an afterthought, as if that wasn't enough to make Mark's heart flutter.

“ _He should talk to him though_.”

Mark bit gently on the inside of his cheeks and turned the TV off, the apartment now completely dark until Donghyuck would arrive.

Theoretically, he could make them talk, even orchestrate something like in the movies and it would work.

_Maybe._

The possibility of not working out made him hesitant.

So he just simply said “It's Jaemin's decision” and that was it.

### ♡

A few days later Jaemin took turns in crashing at his friends places. They even offered to let him live with them.

But the guilt.

When the guilt got too much, he started a casual fling here and there and stayed with him. Easy peasy. He was handsome, charming and unattached.

His friends were worried for him, like always.

They asked him to talk it out, get some closure at least. Yet Jaemin couldn't.

Nope.

_Not when they didn't know._

Not when they didn't know his heart broke yet again when Johnny asked for his _blessing_.

Honestly, Jaemin tried to ignore the signs.

So yeah, sucked to be him. It just reminded him that instead of being the main protagonist he was the second lead. Deeply effected by the main couple but ya know, too unimportant for the plot.

In the end there was no law that stated you need to be together with your soulmate.

“You fine?” Xiaojun furrowed his thick eyebrows, reaching a hand out to Jaemin's face who blinked at him blankly. His friend wiped away his tears, _huh when did he start to cry._

“Yeah,” he smiled, fake as fuck, so no way Xiaojun believed him. He nodded anyway, they all learned when to accept Jaemins lies.

“I'm gonna grab some stuff from hyung's. You really cool?” Jaemin asked for the fifth time, grabbing his phone and wallet.

Xiaojun rolled his eyes playfully. “Of course, man. I'm really glad you're here. The place is way too empty without them.” Xiaojun pouted and Jaemin's smile turned a bit more genuine.

“I really don't need you guys to babysit me,” Jaemin murmured and blew him a kiss.

“See ya,” Xiaojun called after him, a thoughtful look on his face.

“Please take care, Jaem. We will always care, picking up the pieces is our job. Like you always did.”

### ♡

Jaemin stopped right after opening the door. He narrowed his eyes in suspicion after hearing more noise. He checked the time to be sure and nope it couldn't be.

Mark assured him that Jaehyun wasn't home today.

Hm.

It was the reason Jaemin decided to stop by today. He really didn't need to have a pretty ring flaunted into his green and ugly face. There was only so much Jaemin could suffer through.

Normal people would call emergency services or the police. Jaemin wasn't _normal_ , so he called the only person he trusted with his life. “Minnie?” Jeno picked up immediately, as if he was waiting for his call.

“There's someone here,” Jaemin whispered, making careful steps towards their living room.

“Yeah, I hope so. Xiaojun cancelled Junnie because of an assignment.” Jeno laughed, not seeing Jaemins scandalized expression.

They apparently still had their weekly Jaemin meetings, even though they were up to date in the chatroom.

That _he_ had created in the first place so they would be all together, only for them to kick him out to have a space to talk about him _._

Rude.

“Not at Jun's, keep up bro. I'm at _home_ ,” he huffed and looked around, no one here. Safe.

Where the fuck do the sounds come from?

Jeno sighed. “Jaemin.” And nope, Jaemin felt a lecture incoming so he muted Jeno.

“Just stay with me, 'kay? I just wanna have someone to hear me dying, if I get killed,” he joked and stood awkwardly before his own room. _Why his room._

Wait-

What if it wasn't a thief but rather a murderer? At least that would make sense.

Then it didn't because Jaemin finally identified the noises as sobbing, a very familiar one.

“It's just my dumb brother,” Jaemin explained to Jeno quietly, unmuting him accidentally instead of ending the call and stepped inside his room. His brother probably had a midlife crisis, he was dramatic like that.

“Jaehyun, wassup?”

Jaemin tried his best not to look at him, asshole move maybe but cut him some slack. He lost his soulmate to his perfect brother without knowing his name first.

“Johnny proposed,” Jaehyun confessed and Jaemin's whole word stopped, a chorus of _nonononononono_ in his head and screeching noises from his pocket.

Wait what.

“-MIN WHAT THE FUCK, U SERIOUS? THE FUCK I AM GOI-” Jaemin just turned off his phone. “Sorry,” he muttered, making sure it was really off.

“Congrats,” Jaemin said simply, not hiding the bitterness in his tone and wanting nothing more than to leave. Even without looking though, he knew Jaehyun was ugly crying instead of happy.

. . . Why.

And what was he doing on his bed, when this was like the best day ever for him?

“No, Jaemin,” Jaehyun sarcastically replied, making Jaemin look at him finally. He was hugging himself, a display which would've alarmed the old Jaemin, who loved and adored his brother. Not the Jaemin he was today.

“He proposed with the words ' _I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with my soulmate_ '.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, **oh**.” Jaehyun laughed, cold and hollow. It felt as if the ice consuming Jaemin on the daily reached his brother as well. “I laughed a bit, told him he better mean it metaphorically than literally since we, you know, _aren't_ soulmates.”

Jaemin's vision blurred, it was getting harder for him to focus. “ _You didn't,_ ” he coughed out, trying to find a way to breathe. Jaehyun just stared at him, indifferent, cold.

“Always thought it was so petty and childish of you. Why couldn't you see me happy? My baby brother who I loved suddenly shut me out of his life.”

“Shut up.” Jaemin didn't want to listen anymore.

“You could've told me.” An accusation, Jaemin hated it. His brother had no idea.

“If you had told me that same nigh-”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP,” Jaemin screamed, interrupted his brother. He gulped, his hands balled into fists. He came for a change of clothes, _not this._

“So yeah this happened.” However Jaemin saw him playing with the hem of his shirt, a nervous gesture. It meant he held something back.

Something that would make Jaemin furious.

Realization dawned upon him. “You told him about Sicheng.”

“I told him about Sicheng.” No excuses, no apologies.

“While you already destroyed him,” Jaemin raised an eyebrow, mocking his brother and stepping up to him.

Jaehyun nodded, unafraid.

Honestly, Jaehyun deserved a punch. Just once to get it out of his system. Not only for the pain he put Jaemin through, willingly or not, but also for breaking the nicest person Jaemin knew.

Jaemin could've survived this life then, with Johnny being happy.

And Jaehyun took that from him. When he found out what happened, his first reaction was to pour salt into the wound. Selfish, _selfish_ Jaehyun, who always had everything but still took took took.

Even with his flaws Jaemin loved him dearly. So instead of doing that, he took Jaehyun's phone and sent a message.

“I'm gonna move out,” Jaemin decided, when he already was on the way out. His eyes were glued to his picture wall, where he laughed with his friends and Jaehyun. All before college.

His world may have been black and white, his feeling were so pretty though, so pure, so warm.

And while his world got colorful, the darkness was nothing in comparison to before.

“One day,” he stopped in the doorway, hand running over the marks Jaehyun made of him and his daily talks to drink his milks and eat his vitamins to catch up to him.

Jaemin always wanted to be like his brother. He should've chosen to be himself.

“We can talk one day.”

And while Jaehyun felt as if he not only lost his boyfriend but also brother, a message arrived on his phone.

**sichengie :**

I'm omw

### ♡

Johnny groaned when he couldn't ignore the person anymore, trying to get his attention with the non stop knocking at his door. So he walked towards the door with a blanket still around him.

He should've anticipated him.

Jaemin stood before him, as beautiful as ever. Even with the dark shadows under his eyes and the unkept bubblegum pink hair. His exes brother and apparently-

His soulmate.

“You wanna come in,” Johnny asked politely, opening the door to show him it was a genuine offer. Johnny might be broken, hurt, _whoever said time healed everything was a shitty liar_ , and in pain but he also had empathy.

What he felt paled in comparison to Jaemins feelings. All those times he broke his heart.

Everything made sense.

After 23 years he finally saw colors the moment he laid eyes on the Jung brothers. He saw them at the same time, the younger clearly uncomfortable and not even looking in his direction, while Jaehyun saw him and grinned.

Those dimples were Johnny's downfall, he was immediately smitten.

Tunnel vision got him, so he never saw Jaemin's shocked face or his resignation, as he realized he was once again overshadowed.

_Jaemin, the purple not the blue mug._

_Johny look haha! Jaemin wears pink, wasn't it your favorite color?_

_Yangyang ran out of some colors for his class, I will buy them and meet Xiaojun afterwards._

_You look ugly in yellow._

It was so easy for Johnny to overlook these comments and just explain Jaemin's behavior because he hadn't found his soulmate yet.

Johnny was so focused on his supposed soulmate, he foolishly ignored those comments or never really talked to Jaemin. Selfishly hurt when younger acted like this but never really doing something about it. He was in shock, his soulmate wasn't his soulmate on top of not being over his own.

However something didn't sit right with him. . . why did Johnny saw colors back then?

_Jaehyun paled, suddenly piecing everything together. “Jaemin,” he whispered heartbroken._

“ _Jaemin?” Johnny was confused. “Why do you bring him into this?”_

“ _You fool,” Jaehyun was exhausted. How could he live with himself after all of this? “Jaemin . . . he might be your soulmate.” Jaehyun started to sob, what a great older brother he was._

_Johnny rolled his eyes. “He doesn-” “HE SEES COLORS! I always thought you just didn't want to make him uncomfortable but are you seriously so oblivious? I mean I wasn't better, accepting when he told me his soulmate decided to go for someone else. He seemed fine, he changed and . . . I'm going to get sick. What did I do to hi-” Jaehyun broke down crying, while Johnny's didn't understand anything._

_Suddenly he remembered. Everything. He wondered why it was easy for him to remember every little detail about Jaemin, when he forgot Jaehyun's favorite dish sometimes. Why all he needed to feel content was to observe Jaemin, especially when he was smiling. Why that made him warm and happy, and sad when the smile was never directed at him._

“Nah it's fine, hyung,” Jaemin smiled sweetly, for the first time directed at him. Johnny felt dizzy. “I'm here to say I'm sorry hyung. I decided for both of us, when two clearly have a say in this. I'm gonna act selfish again, please bear with me.”

Jaemin never gave Johnny a chance to answer, not that he could comprehend anything in the moment.

“I worked hard these months and will finish my studies in America. It's already approved and my flight goes in a few hours. It might be for a year or ten. Who knows. My friends deserve a break and I deserve to be the Jung Jaemin I want to be. You can contact me.” Jaemin's voice got quieter at the end, getting an unsure note. “I understand if you won't.”

Jaemin bowed deeply while Johnny still tried to wrap his head around the _I'm leaving_ part. Johnny's grip on the door hardened.

Gone?

“You might think I'm running, I'm not. You're still hurting and I destroyed my first chance already. Let us see what the future hold, hm?”

Johnny relaxed at Jaemins words, feeling better with the little reassurance he got.

How could he ever think someone else was destined for him.

“For what it's worth, I never once regretted having you as my soulmate.”

### ♡

_some time later_

Jaemin picked up his suitcase, rushing towards his friend. He laughed at the ridiculous, self-made sign he held. His expression softened when he stopped before him.

Even with his friends taking turns to visit him, he missed them dearly.

“So where's the party gonna be,” Jaemin asked with a cheeky grin, still hugging Mark tightly.

Priorities.

Mark scrunched up his nose, which told him everything already. “Who said anything about a party hehe,” he questioned back innocently.

“ _You ain't slick bro. I wasn't dead just gone, duh. I know my friends,_ ” he sighed dramatically and in perfect english.

“ _Honestly, liked it better when you wouldn't annoy me in English as well_ ,” Mark rolled his eyes to emphasize, the smile tugging at his lips betraying his words either way. Jaemin's English was great since he decided to befriend the new foreign kid in preschool.

Jaemin hummed. “And you know who,” he asked seemingly uninterested.

  
Mark laughed out loud. “Dude, he wouldn't miss it for the world. That guy is lowkey obsessed with you.”

Jaemin was delighted. “As he should, who isn't. Anyway do you remem-” “Yeeeeeees! He accidentally liked your pics and post from years ago haha and you dragged that poor dude haha.”

“I'm sure he saw it coming,” Jaemin pursued his lips in thought. “I can't believe it took him a year to contact me. Talk about slow burn, man.” Jaemin rolled his eyes and Mark started to laugh again.

“Omg, I remember that. Johnny actually asked for our blessing and we put him through some _things_ until we gave him the go.”

Jaemin stopped, looking at Mark confused. “I never heard of this. What kinda things?”

Mark just smiled slyly and continued to walk, even skipping a little bit.

That bastard.

“What do yo- LEE STOP!”

### ♡

“Mark, please I need to know. I'm dying.”

“Dude chill, you're gonna find out soon enough.”

“I wanna know now though~.”

“Nah, these lips are sealed. Talk with him about it at the date.”

A shriek. “DAAAATE??”

“And I oops.”

### ♡

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading!! I hope you enjoyed this au and it wasn't too~ rushed. with the word limit I tried my best. please take a look at the other stories in the collection as well, everyone did such a great job uwu ♡


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